Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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