Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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