Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
