i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i will never coherently bang her
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize