are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
