my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
