Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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