If i come over, it means nothing
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
