I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
