Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
