Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
