I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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