like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
