yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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