why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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