idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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