I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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