got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
