guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
