I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
