Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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