check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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