I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
