Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
