i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
