I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
