First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
