Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sorry about my life...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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