In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
