Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
