I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
