12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
