i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
