what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
