you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
