He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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