So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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