You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize