you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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