I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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