apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
