I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
