sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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