I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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