This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize