are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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