i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
