Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
