Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
