are you so shy because you have an std?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize