You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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