That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
