I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
