3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
