what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
