He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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