how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
