yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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