Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
