im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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