I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
