Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
