He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
