Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
