Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
