Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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