I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
