we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
