12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
