You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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