Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
