By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
