Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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