I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
