so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
