Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
